Michael Malloy

Condensed version; see the write up from the Useless Information page for a more detailed report.

In 1933, a down-and-out Irishman became the victim of an extraordinary series of murder attempts. Malloy was a bum who frequented the speakeasy of one Anthony Marino in the Bronx. Marino and four of his friends, themselves hard up, had recently pulled off an insurance scam, murdering Marinos girlfriend and collecting of her policy; pitiful Michael Malloy seemed a good next bet. The gang took out three policies on him. Figuring Malloy would simply drink himself to death, Marino gave him unlimited credit at the bar. This scheme failed- Malloys liver knew no bounds. The bartender, Joseph Murphy, was in on the plot and substituted antifreeze for Malloys whiskey. Malloy asked for a refill and happily put away six shots before passing out on the floor; after a few hours, he perked up and requested another drink. For a week Malloy guzzled antifreeze nonstop. Straight turpentine worked no better, and neither did horse liniment laced with rat poison. A meal of rotten oysters marinated in wood alcohol brought Malloy back for seconds. In a ultimate moment of culinary inspiration, Murphy devised a sandwich for his victim: spoiled sardines mixed with carpet tacks. Malloy came back for more. The gangs next tactic was to dump the drunk into a bank of wet snow and pour water on him, on a night when the temperature had sunk to -14 F. No luck. So Marino hired a professional killer, who drove a taxi straight into Malloy at 45 mph - then ran over him again for good measure. After a disappearance of three weeks, Malloy walked into to the bar, told the boys hed been hospitalized because of a nasty car accident, and was sure ready for a drink. Finally, the desperate murderers succeeded - they stuffed a rubber hose into Malloys mouth and attached it to a gas jet until his face turned purple. The scheme was discovered, and four members of the five-man Murder Trust (as the tabloids dubbed Marino & Co.) died in the electric chair. One New York reported speculated that if Mike Malloy had sat in the electric chair, he would have shorted out every circuit in Sing Sing.

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